To say ‘I love you’
A  D.Gray-Man fanfic
Declaimer: I do not own D.Gray-Man, it belongs to Katsura Hoshino.
Warning: This is a YAOI fanfic (boyxboy love) So Please, if you don’t like that sort of stuff do not read this fanfic. I don’t like bashing.

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“Lavi, wait.” Lavi pushed Allen gently against the wall, lacing their fingers together above Allen’s head.

“You’re so cute Allen.” Lavi snickered as he started kissing along Allen’s jaw line; nipping slightly at his soft skin. Relishing in the shivers that began to run all threw Allen’s body. Lavi could hear the nervous breaths that escaped from Allen’s mouth. He could even fell the hot air that tossed strands of his hair from his forehead. “Why are you so nervous Allen?” Lavi cooed the words as he brought his face nose to nose with Allen’s.  “Don’t you want me?” Lavi lightly licked Allen’s lower lip and giggled evilly as it trembled and Allen had to move his face to that his hot cheek pressed against the cold wall.

“Leave me alone Lavi.” Allen tried to say the words as stern and brave as he could mange in his current state of mind.

“Sorry Allen, but I can’t do that.” Lavi leaned closer and kissed Allen on the cheek. “Because Allen. Guess what?” Lavi nuzzled Allen’s neck and cheek, purring all the way up to his ear.

Allen cringed and swallowed.

“What is it Lavi?” Allen’s voice sounded annoyed and afraid. He closed his eyes shut tight, trying very hard to stay calm and composed. Lavi smiled against Allen’s ear and whispered words in a soft knowing voice.

“I know you love me Allen.” Lavi pulled back and stared into Allen’s shocked face.

Allen eyes shook and his lips trembled as though they were cold. His face flushed red as he watched Lavi’s mouth twist into a grin.

“What are you talking about Lavi, of course I don’t?” It was all Allen could manage to get out threw his clinched teeth. His heart began to race so fast that he swore it was going to burst forth threw his chest and smack Lavi in the face. There was no way possible that Lavi felt the same way he did. It hurt to think Lavi was playing with him like this. Teasing his heart. The thought made his heart speed up more. Soon that’s all he could seem to hear. The madding thumping in his chest. He concentrated on that sound so hard that when Lavi spoke he jumped.

“What did you say?” Allen asked anxiously.

“Lenalee told me.” Lavi mused again; letting the words slip out of his mouth threw a small smile. Allen was hurt that Lenalee had told Lavi his secret. But he had no time at the moment to worry about her. He had to fix this now.

“Forget everything she told you. It was all a lie.” He felt his heart grow weaker as the words slipped threw his mouth. He could not take the pain of his own reality. Lavi would never ever feel the same love he did, at least not for him.

Lavi made a sad face.

“That’s too bad.” Lavi sighed and pulled his hands and body away from Allen. Allen’s eyes widened and he jerked his head up to watch Lavi walk slowly away.

“What do you mean Lavi?”

“No, it makes no difference now what I say.” Lavi’s tone was a mixture of sad and sarcastic, Allen didn’t like it. He wanted Lavi to so badly say the words he prayed for; but at the same time what would he do if Lavi really did feel the same way?

“Lavi!” Allen shouted, “Tell me.” Lavi turned slightly, his face towards the ground. Allen strained to see that face hidden behind crimson locks. He took a small step towards Lavi.

At the sound of footfall Lavi looked towards Allen, a sincere smile on his face.

“Allen.” Lavi turned around fully facing him, as if just now thinking of something. “You love me right?” Allen was taken aback.

“Lavi, I told you…” Lavi cut off Allen’s whisper of words.

“Don’t lie to me Allen! I know you love me so why do you try and deny it!?” Lavi yelled at him, sounding hurt. Allen became frustrated, confused about what to do, what to say. He did the only thing that made sense to do at the moment, yell back.

“Because there is no point in telling you if you don’t feel the same way I do!” Allen stared at Lavi’s unchanging face. The silence that flowed between them was maddening, seeming to go on for hours. The only sound that could be heard was Allen’s heavy irregular breathing. Time it’s self seemed to have stooped, just for them, just for this moment. At least for Allen that’s how it seemed. He couldn’t even move he was so frozen by Lavi’s glare. Yet it only seemed fair when Lavi’s smooth voice shattered the feeling of motionless.

“Who told you I don’t feel the same?” Lavi growled out the words. Allen was more than a little uneasy to answer Lavi’s question.

“No one.” Allen dared a glance at Lavi’s face and wished he hadn’t. Lavi’s face was furious.

“Then how do you now I don’t love you!?” The words Allen had hoped to hear where spoken in such an angry tone. They had no happy effect on Allen’s heart.

“You’re not gay Lavi.” Allen stared down at the ground. Then suddenly laughed broke through the tension. It was such a sweet sound.

“Your right I’m not and neither are you.” Lavi was smiling again. It was so beautiful.

Yet the beauty of it was not enough to comfort Allen. The tears pricked at his eyes and stung. Lavi didn’t love him and he was saying that Allen didn’t really love him.

“You’re wrong!” Lavi stopped smiling and watched Allen. “I am gay Lavi!” Allen’s throat went dry. He knew what he wanted to say. “I…I…I lov…” He stopped as he saw Lavi’s face on the edge of anticipation for Allen to say those three words. This gave Allen a small ray of hope. He composed himself, stared straight at Lavi and breathed. “I love you Lavi.” Allen’s face went hot and his legs began to shake. His heart was beating a million miles a minute. His entire form threatened to crumble away and fall; but at least he had said it. Whether Lavi would return the confusion or not, he didn’t care at the moment. He was just glad he had said it. So now, as he stared at Lavi’s face so mixed with emotions, he prepared his heart for the pain that was to come.

But then Lavi smiled that beautiful smile.

“See, that wasn’t so hard.” Allen’s face changed into discomfort. He wished Lavi would just be straight forward with this.

“Hu?” Was all he could say.

“Those words ‘I love you’ they weren’t’ so hard to say to me, right?” Lavi chuckled.

“Don’t laugh at me! They were really hard to say!” Allen shouted at Lavi. “Why are you being so cruel!?” Allen stared at Lavi’s shocked expression.

“Cruel?” Lavi practically choked on the word. Allen could tell he had caught Lavi off guard. Lavi reached out a hand towards Allen, shaking his head. “What do you mean Allen, I…Allen?” Before Lavi could finish Allen smacked his hand away.

“Don’t touch me!” Allen felt the hot tears threaten to spill over. “I know what you’re going to say. I know you don’t feel the same way so…” The tears were freely flowing down his face now and he couldn’t have cared less. “So just leave me alone!” That was all Allen could manage to get out before his voice became run over by sobs.

“Allen.” Lavi’s fits clinched as he watched the young exorcist sob uncontrollably. “You’re so stupid.” Lavi reaches forward towards Allen.

“Don’t call me…” Allen was cut off by Lavi’s fingers at his chine, yanking his face up to look at him.

“You’re just so dense Allen.” With those words said Lavi crashed his lips down onto Allen’s. His lips were violent and hot against Allen’s tear drenched ones. The salty taste only mad Lavi want to kiss him rougher.

Allen could only stand there, motionless as Lavi violated his lips. Allen couldn’t hear anything except his heart’s thumping in his ears. He couldn’t see anything for his vision was becoming blurred. He couldn’t feel anything at all except the hot burning feeling against his lips. It was a rough kiss, almost rushed and carnal. Acting on impulse then not sure about what he really wanted. Yet Allen never wanted it to end.

Lavi deepened the kiss, darting his tongue quickly into Allen’s mouth.  Allen moaned and let Lavi explore his mouth. Lavi was eager and hurriedly nip and bit at the soft flesh beneath his dominating kiss. Though every time he did this Allen would gasp and shiver against him. It was a wonderful feeling, to have Allen withering under his firm grasp. He had always dreamed of doing this to Allen. Now that he had him he wanted to hold him as long as possible, he wanted to burry Allen into him and never let him go. He wanted to make Allen feel all the desire, longing and pain he had felt for the last three months.

Allen whimpered again as Lavi bit a little too hard, drawing blood into the sweet and salty taste of Allen’s mouth. Lavi flicked his tongue over the fresh cut and kissed it apologetically.

He broke the kiss and started into Allen still teary eyes.

“Sorry.” Allen just shook his head and buried his face in Lavi’s shoulder.

“Don’t be sorry, just hold me.” Lavi was all too willing to oblige. Both men’s breathing was still hard, fast, and raspy. Lavi and Allen just held each other close, like air. Allen allowed his fingers to become tangled in Lavi’s hair. Lavi slipped his hand down onto Allen waist and pulled him closer to him, if that was even possible.

Allen’s breathing calmed as Lavi stroked his hair with his free hand. All Allen’s tears dissipated and he felt totally and completely relaxed against Lavi’s body. There was no more pain in his heart, only warmth and happiness.

“Allen?” Lavi’s voice was but a whisper.

“Humph?” Allen didn’t feel like talking.

“I love you Allen, I love you so fucking much.” Lavi squeezed Allen tighter, as if Allen was his life and he never wanted to let go.

Allen was quite as his stomach turned into knots. His heart speed up again. The happiness he felt was over whelming. There are not words to describe what kind of affect those three words had on him, when they were coming from his loves mouth. For some reason he began to cry again.

“Allen? Hey Allen.” Lavi heard Allen’s muffled tears and became over come with worry. “Allen, I’m sorry!” Lavi tried to pull Allen away so he could look at him but Allen clung to him.

“No Lavi, it’s ok!” Allen dug his nails into Lavi’s shoulders, clutching to the soft materials of his cloths. As if he was being pushed away from the very air around him

“Allen…” Lavi was confused unsure of what to say or do.

“Lavi, those words, you don’t know how long I have wanted to hear you say those words to me. I just, it made me so happy to hear you say them. These tears.” He looked up at Lavi. “Are proof of how happy you made me.” Lavi blushed as red as his hair. Allen looked so cute.

“I love you Lavi.” Allen leaned up and kissed Lavi lightly on the lips. Lavi’s grip on Allen loosened, like he was trying to hold something precious to him. To him Allen’s love was like a gift. To be able to hear Allen say those words and know that they were meant for his heart alone made him feel special in a way. This beautiful and pure being was his. It was the best feeling in the world. Joy poured from every nerve in his body. His heart song with happiness he hadn’t felt in years; his fingers tingled with excitement.

Lavi broke the kiss, but only for a moment.

“Thank you Allen, you have no idea how much your love means to me.”

“Don’t thank me, just kiss me.”

“As you wish.” Lavi began to kiss Allen again. Unlike the kiss they had shared the first time this one was sweet, sincere, and more careful. More delicate. Lavi’s teeth didn’t bit and pull at his lips. Instead he kissed them over and over as if memorizing their shape and taste. It was truly a sign of their new found love. Their lips moved together, each one relishing in this exciting new experience, sharing their excitement with the other. They held each other close with their eyes shut as they kissed. Slowly their lips met over and over again. Their tongues sliding over each other and causing both men to gasp and moan into the other’s mouth.

Lavi loved this feeling, the feeling of having Allen so close to him. His lips were sweet and soft, his taste spilled from his tongue into his mouth and caused him to moan and dart his tongue into Allen’s mouth for more. Lavi’s mouth melted against Allen’s, indulging in this one special kiss. He couldn’t stop this kiss, nor did he ever want to. Yet every time Allen gasped or moaned Lavi’s breath would hitch in his throat and he would forget how to breathe.

With reluctances Lavi slowed the kiss and carefully broke it. He feared any more of this pleasure and he would be tempted to take it further then he wished it too, for now.

“You taste sweet Allen.” He watched Allen blush and look away. “Cute.”

They stood again in silence. Each listening to the others breathing slow down to a normal pace. The silence that came after this was peaceful. Allen allowed his head to rest on Lavi’s shoulder. He thought of how different things would be now that he knew Lavi loved him. Probably not much different on the outside, but on the inside, his body was calm instead of stressed.

Allen smiled the entire time Lavi held him. He wished it could always be like this, no Akuma, no more Noah family. Just him and Lavi. As he thought about this his mind remembered something Lavi had said before.

“Hey Lavi.”

“What.” Lavi’s voice sounded warm and lazy.

“What did you mean earlier when you said you and I weren’t gay?” He felt Lavi’s body shake with a laugh,

“Just that, were not gay.” Lavi squeezed Allen playfully.

“Yes, we are.”

“No, were not.”

“But…” Allen struggled.

“Allen, think about it. Other than me, have you ever once in your life been attracted to another man?” Lavi smiled, Allen could sense it. He concentrated on the question. Before Lavi came along he had been sure he liked women. He still proffered the body of a woman, but Lavi was special. Then a thought crossed him and he smiled evilly.

“Will, Kanda is pretty sexy.”  He felt Lavi laugh.

“No man or woman alive could deny the fact that Kanda is one sexy man. Try again.” Allen sighed in defeat.

“Then no.”

“It’s the same for me. Other then you, and Kanda, I’m not attracted to men. You’re special Allen. Were only gay for each other.” Allen giggled.

“And Kanda.”

“Ok, and Kanda.” Allen hugged Lavi tighter.

“I love you Lavi.”

“I love you too Allen.”