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I graduated on June 13th, so I am late at this update. Had some friends in town so I had no time to sit down and write about it. Just figured I would let everyone know what’s going on in my life. Not too much.

Everyone has been asking me that famous graduation question that everyone wants to ask, but actually I don’t think they really care.

“What are you going to do now?”
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I genuinely don’t know. I mean I do give them an answer, but it’s more like a plane, what I would like to do. Go to two more years of community college. Then a 4 year school, I don’t know which college yet. I will be getting a job, I hope. I will be volunteering at the Aquarium, I start on the 23rd. I will get my full drivers lenience.

See, it’s more like a list, a mission. But I don’t know where to being. I mean come on, it just ended. Right? I don’t know what to do, what to feel, I honestly never thought it would be such a big deal. I would have been just as happy if they had mailed me the damn thing. But everyone was so happy, excited, some even cried. I have yet to cry, get giddy, I’ve hardly held let alone looked at my diploma. It’s has yet to fully set in, but everyone wants to know what I am going to do now.

Give me some time to let it fully set in!

Maybe I don’t want it to set in. Maybe this is all just a dream and I will wake up in my bed tomorrow at 6am, get up, get dressed, and go to school. Listen to Mr. Suralike talk like he knows everything. Hug Mr. B and tell him how much I wish to go back to sleep.

......................But I am not that hopeful.

I know this is reality and I can’t go back in time. I will never walk that school again and have that same feeling of boredom and care freeness as I used too. The next time I walk in that school it will be to look back on old memories, or maybe drop off my younger brothers house key; I know he will never remember it. The next time I will get up at 6am is to wake him up, because he never remembers to turn on that alarm clock of his.

I think I almost cried there, but almost. I am angrier, I can’t tell you why. I feel more stressed, but I have nothing to be stressed over. I’ve made planes this week to hang out with my friends. My parents keep telling, enjoy your summer, in the fall you have college classes. Yet they constantly are sitting me down and talking about jobs and how I am no longer a kid.

But I still want to be silly, goof off, have a life, read manga, watch anime, go hang out at the mall with no real reason for being there. I want to be stupid with Kelsea.

Truthfully I don’t know what I am going to do next. I put off a lot of things. Now it’s all piled up and I need it. I am lost, maybe even a little scared of the future. I’m not fully in the right mind set to be an adult. I want to stay in that school, sitting in that desk. That job, what if I miss up and get fired. That car, what if I crash and can’t afford to pay the damages. That college, what if it’s too much for me to handle. Money, bills, work, tests, a car, an apartments, rent; all these worries are piling up on me.

And I have yet to take it all in. In my mind I am going to wake up and go to school.
It has yet to sink in. I don’t feel like I just graduated high school. All I did was shake some strangers hand and walk across a stage wearing a funny shaped hat.

*breath*

“What am I going to do now?”