Falling

Falling back into a long forgotten nightmare
Somewhere lost
Somewhere cold
No warm hands to pull me out
I’ve forced myself to come here
My own foolish actions
My own stupid mind
It’s been so long
Since I’ve been here
I would have called this place my past
I forgot just how lonely this place can be
It’s harder for me to be here now
I have no walls to block out all the demons
All the pain
I’ve experienced too much happiness and love
No longer am I cold and hard
It’s become difficult to experience this kind of loneliness
This isolation
The whispers
The cold shoulders
And most of all
The lies
This stabbing pain in my back
My tears that I thought I would never cry again
Now keep me company again at night
So alone
So trapped here inside myself
The memories come back
The old familiar feelings
I try to run away from them
This all used to feel like a dream
But now I am dreaming the nightmare again
If only it all was a dream,
Not my life that I dread facing
Every little thing forces me to face the facts
No one is here for me
No one will lend me an ear or a shoulder
This is my punishment
For being me
I am back against the wall
Forced once again to live in this hole
With nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
With a gun to my face
I am forced to stand against reality
See this life for the cold hellish place it is
With all its demons
And all its sins
Maybe I will go back to older ways
For just a few moments I could forget the pain
I just don’t know anymore
How to live in this place